Let's get this party started

Well, Sue dropped the plan in this arvo, and helped me measure myself.

I've put the initial figures into the spreadsheet, and am really looking forward to watching them drop.

Tonight I had my first Cohen Dinner. I had bought Snapper at the market this morning, so Fish it was. I was allowed 120g Fish and 100g Veg. I had Wombok, onion, tomato, cucumber and mushrooms chopped up in a salad, with 110g cooked fish on top (It's really difficult to pre-measure 120g fish, when you're baking a whole fish!). I drizzled some Balsamic Vinegar over it (which I don't really like, but it's better than nothing). It was VERY filling. I'm happy.

I'm not yet sure whether I've started officially or not, as I haven't got all the 'stuff' yet. Still need to go and get low fat yoghurt, crisp breads and the appropriate cheeses. I think I might go shopping tomorrow.

I can still have crispbread and fruit tonight, so just before 9pm I'll have supper and that'll be it for the night.

I was dissappointed today to discover that I can't have any of my flavoured teas, but I'll live, Sue is going to email me a list of all the tea brands and what I can and can't have.

It'll be a week or two before I can come to grips totally with what's allowed and what's not, so it's a good thing I like my consultant !!!

Must remember to ask about the eggs. It says "Unless specified one egg per day is allowed" but there's only one 'egg' meal and it's a variant with the Yoghurt. So, does this mean one egg is allowed in addition to all the other stuff (like a fruit) or what???

Tweaking required, but it'll be fine. Here's to the first day of the rest of my life.

Spring water (hold the fudge).

It's D Day for me today.

Sue's coming over later for a cuppa. Armed with my new programme.

I sure hope I got lots of grams of "yummy veggies" (I need to keep saying that, maybe I'll believe it).

Went to the market this morning, Bought lots of yummy stuff. I can't believe there's such a fantastic fruit and veg market not more than 5 mintues from where I've lived for 4.5 years and I haven't BEEN there yet!!!

Not going to be a problem now, will go fortnightly at least. It's much cheaper and fresher than the supermarkets. Also there's a Fishmonger there, and I bought a WHOLE cleaned snapper for $15. So it's Baked Snapper for dinner. Mmmmmm .

Cauli for $2.40 each, Wombok $2 each, Mandarines $2 a BOX...

I'm really pleased with the variety of foods there, I got just about everything on the Cohen List. There's a few things I didn't find, but I'll live for a bit.

I was VERY impressed with the fact that I walked past all the honey roast macadamias, the hand made fudge, and didn't even take commission off the fairy floss I bought for my daughter.

I bought myself a bottle of spring water (because I'd forgotten to take my water), and that was it.

Saw some really nice bead necklaces there, under $10, so maybe that'll be my first 'reward'.

I've started a spreadsheet to keep track of my weight loss, even has a neato chart so I can watch the line go down. I've done another spreadsheet to keep track of my measurement changes. Should be interesting. I'll blog again after I know what my plan is.

And so it begins.

Today Sue confirmed she's received my blood test results, and she's sent them off to get my individual programme.

She's sent me the 'shopping list' because my daughter and I are going to the market in the morning and even though I don't know my quantities yet, I'll get changing over to the 'right' foods asap.

There's some possibility that I'll have my programme as soon as tomorrow, but more likely on Monday. Then I just have to decide whether to start right away, or on Wednesday after Tuesday's dinner out. Although, I am seeing the chef tomorrow to organise the restaurant, so I'm going to ask him if he can do me a 'Cohen's Barramundi' :D

I've got a big long instruction manual to read too, and I have to get measured (which I'm not excited about) before I start on the programme properly. It'll be interesting to see the reduction.

I'm also going to have some photos taken this weekend, so we have real honest naked truth before and after shots. These should be interesting and should be a good way to determine the validity of the claims of skin tightening on the programme.

I'd say "Here goes nothing", but I am pretty sure "Here comes SOMETHING"!

Time is of the essence

Did you ever wonder why when you're young a year is FOREVER, but when you're old(er) time seems to fly past?

I did, but, it occurred to me that the time we feel passing is a function of how long we've been here.

When you're 5 years old, a year is 20% of your life. So it feels long.

When you're 20 years old, a year is 5% of your life. Feels shorter.

When you're 50 years old, a year is 2% of your life. Flying past now.

See? The older we get, the shorter, percentage wise, a year actually is. That's why it all seems to fly past.

I was thinking, to lose 85kg, it's anticipated it'll take around 9 months. I'm 37. I have to 'give up' 9 months of eating without planning in order to gain another 45 years. Fair trade, I reckon. Also, 9 months is approximately 2% of my life so far. I figure that's worth it.

The helpers.

Know the thing I'm MOST dreading on this programme?

It's not the restriction in food

It's not the cravings for stuff

It's not even eating different foods while others are eating goodies.

Can you guess?

It's the doo-gooders.

The people who *think* they are helping by asking "should you be eating that"?

But then they aren't so bad... Mostly they're being nice, and can easilly be put off, it's the ones who say "You can have some of this! Go on, it won't hurt you"!

Maybe I'm pre-empting this, and I shouldn't be. Maybe I'm just stressing for nothing.

I know it's happened before, and with these things you have to be wary of the thin edge of the wedge.

I really AM looking forward to it.

I was talking to a wise sage friend of mine, Ruby, she said the most gelling thing... She said "You HAVE to lose weight. You Can't stay this size, it's unhealthy, and you don't want to drop dead and let your Ex have the kids. Do you?".

Puts it into perspective.

I can put aside 6 months, and 'just do it', or I can risk not being in my childrens lives. A Dr Phil quote: "You're not going to be the only influence in your children's lives, so you'd better be the BEST one."

Must admit, though, my Ex has calmed down a LOT now he's met his soon-to-be wife. She's lovely, and I'm really thankful for her. She's calmed him down, and she loves my kids, and they love her. What more could a mother want in a stepmother for her children? (Just they best not start calling her 'mum'!) Seriously, though, she's really nice, and the kids are really excited about the wedding in a couple of weeks. :D

Still, I'd like to be here, if it's OK with everyone!!!

Bullet loaded and fired.

Went and saw Sue (Cohen gal) today.

She's come to the party (see previous post) and we have an arrangement.

I've signed up, and paid.

Tomorrow I go for my blood test, it's gotta be a fasting test, so I have to go first thing in the morning.

Sue reckons she'll receive the blood tests tomorrow late arvo, so I should get my plan next Tuesday.

Being as I have a function to attend next Tuesday night, I'll start the programme next Wednesday.

I'm looking forward to it.

I've been looking at people on telly tonight, and wondering what they weigh to get an idea of what I'll look like.

Looking at the super skinny ones it's unfathomable that I'll EVER be that thin.

Can't wait, though :D

Currency

I've long held a theory.

There are two types of currency in the world, Time and Money.

With either you can 'buy' the other.

What I mean is, If you have time, you can use it to get money (it's called 'working')

If you have money, you can pay people to do your 'jobs' for you, thereby gaining time.

I got to thinking today, while driving all over Brisbane, What other currencies are there in our lives?

Part of coming to terms with being overweight is coming to terms with the fact that things have to change. I was thinking about goal setting with respect to my weight loss. I'm currently 160kg, and I have to get down around 75kg. I was thinking maybe four or five steps to have smaller goals because 85kg is just unfathomable.

I thought, now, what sort of 'rewards' shall I give myself...

The immediate thoughts of 'chocolate cake' and 'pack of chips' and 'tub of ice cream' came to mind.

The disturbing thing is why do I/we immediately think of food as a reward?

Maybe it's a childhood thing, If you're good you can have this chocolate/chips/bikkie/cake, etc? It's interesting.

I've set my goals.

Goal 1: 140kg
Goal 2: 120kg
Goal 3: 100kg
Goal 4: 85kg
Goal 5: FINISH.

Haven't picked my 'rewards' yet.

Any ideas?

Time is of the essence

Had the meeting with the Cohen gal today. Her name's Sue. I'm sure she'll feature in the rest of the blog...

Sue was lovely. I am not sure if she's still talking to me, coz I think I screwed with her head too much. Asked too many questions. But she was very good.

Being as I've done Jenny Craig, and Atkins, and others the sales stuff becomes a little trite, so we flew through that, coz I didn't really want to hear it. All the programmes promise to be the best, the most scientific, the most medically thought out and correct. All of them only work as far as you let them.

I was happy with everything, until, it was pointed out that the programme is a 12 month contract. They contract to support and help etc for 12 months. And, they say we should expect an average of 4kg a month. I have 85kg to lose. Do the math. (85kg / 4kg/month = 21.25 months)

That's 21 MONTHS, not including 'refeeding' or 'slips'. I figure including these, lets say 23-24 months. That's 2 YEARS. Not 1 year.

Sue's confident, based on other people, that I should be finished inside of a year. Well, I bloody hope so, but, ya never know. And, even with Sue's assurances that if I'm still on the programme (like if I don't take 9 months off then want to come back! which is fair enough) she'd not abandon me, which I believe, I am far too anal retentive for that. I worry about what happens if Sue decides to retire and sail the whitsundays. What happens if 'militant barry' takes over and says 'oi, your 12 months is up, piss off'.

Yeah, I know, it's probably an excuse, if I'm really losing, and it does cost me double, so what? Well, the problem is, I know myself, I know how I sabotage myself, and there would be two things that would happen, either, getting close to the 12 months I'd start panicing and give up, or, worse, militant barry would charge me another 12 months worth and I'd get my back up and say 'stuff you'. Either way, not good for me.

To this end, I've asked to compromise and alter the agreement to 18 months. I figure I should well and truly be finished by then.

Hope to go and enroll tomorrow. Will wait and see what Sue replies.

The man in the glass.

Someone posted this poem on a forum I hang out in.

I thought it was fantastic, and very apt at this point.

What do you think?

The Man in the Mirror- Anon
---------------

If you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that Man has to say.

For it isn't a Man's father, mother or wife
Whose judgement upon him must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in his life
Is the man staring back from the glass

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous difficult test
If the Man in the glass is your friend.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heatache and tears
If you've cheated the Man in the glass.

at any cost

Had to drive my daughter to Choir Camp this morning, which means nearly an hour (round trip) thinking in the car (Also singing along to Queen, but thinking too!)

I was mulling over the idea of spending nearly $700 on the Cohen Programme, and thinking "Maybe I can just do it myself".

Well, Maybe I CAN.

You'd think, however, if I could 'just do it myself' I would have done it some time ago.

Someone said to me, It's not rocket science. Well, I KNOW that. But then Rocket science isn't that difficult either, when you know how. And when you have the right information and the right ingredients.

OK, What else could I do with $700?

I could go on holidays. But that would be over in a week (if that).

I could buy myself some jewelery. But that's no fun, better if someone else buys it for you. ;)

I could pay for the new Dif my car needs. (this is getting urgent and has to be done whether or not I go on the programme)

I could buy a dishwasher. All the fittings are in the house, there's a hole that the bin currently lives in. That would be lovely, but then, what would the Boy child do with his spare time. hehe

My Man said I should go to his weight loss doctor with him, he's doing a meal replacement programme. In addition to the fact that I don't think I could cope on meal replacements, I was really thinking about the cost. It's Free. The doctor bulk bills everyone.

But...

The meal replacements cost $40 a week (roughly). The average loss is 2kg a week. So, I have approximately 45 weeks to be on the programme. Assuming I'm not naughty. 45 weeks at $40 = $1800.

I guess the crux comes when you look at it this way.

Irrespective of the time and commitment, if someone came up to you in the street and said:
"You can be size 12, with the wave of a magic wand, anytime you want, just put $700 on the table here and away we go"

How fast would we whip our wallets out then???

I guess this goes to prove it's not the money. The money's an excuse.

addiction.

Hi, My name's asy, and I'm a food addict.

I heard something the other week, and I've been pondering it since.

It's got to do with addiction.

I'm still not 100% sure whether eating is an addiction or a compulsion, and even then I'm not sure it would make a difference.

The question was asked: If an alcoholic was forced, in order to survive, to have 3 drinks a day, just three, no more (everything in moderation, you know) how well would they do?

That's what this feels like. It would be so much easier if we could just say No, I'm not eating ANYTHING, ever again.

At least I think it would.

I mean, you know, you have to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not too much, not the wrong things, not drink too much with them, not go overboard, not eat between meals, etc.

I never really 'understood' addiction, till I realised I had one.

challenge.

I've been wondering...

Just how much weight AM I carting around.

So, I thought, what weighs 85kg?

Well, my 12yo son weighs about 50kg. My 10yo daughter weighs about 45kg. So, I'm carting around nearly both of them. The really scary thing is that I have one heart (big though it is ;) ) and one set of internal organs etc, and this one person's organs is doing the work of 3 people's organs. Or two at least.

What else weighs 85kg?

A kitchen table. Well, OK, that probably weighs much less, but work with me here.

An average 6ft tall adult woman.

A bookshelf, plus a few books?

A dryer.

My TV weighs about 50kg. It's a bloody big telly. I'm carting nearly 2 of them around all day, every day.

It's no bloody wonder I need a nap at 3pm.

So, if you're one of those people who calls fat people lazy, I give you a challenge.

Find a clothes dryer. Pick it up. Carry it around. EVERYWHERE. Take it to the loo with you. When you sit on the couch, make sure it's on your knees so you have the FULL weight of it on your lap.

Better still, just take a short easy challenge.

Find a 12yo child. Just an average everyday one. They'll weigh around 50kg, which is somewhat less than the 85kg we're discussing, but it's OK, you're not as fit as I am...

Take the child, pick them up. OK, make it easy on yourself, piggyback style will do, don't hold ALL that weight on your arms. Now. Walk. Go down to the park. Go for a walk around the park. Walk for about an hour. WITH THE CHILD. Don't put the child down. EVER.

Now. Tell me. Are you still full of vim? Is there some lagging in your step? Do you understand a little better now? I think I do.

The bullet.

Enquiring about the Cohen programme, I discovered it costs $650.

I wondered where I was going to get this from (since my car needs a new Dif and there goes my 'spare' cash).

Today, in the mail, I received a letter that informed me that next week I'm receiving a payment of $600 due to the yearly 'carer payment' bonus (A government payment made to people caring for family members with a 'disability', in addition to the fortnightly payment we get).

Not that I'm 'into' holistic stuff, but, ya gotta admit... I need $650, I get $600.

Someone's tryin' to tell me something.

Time to bite the bullet methinks.

I've made an appointment for tomorrow arvo. Am going to take Andrew (My other half) with me. He tells me the programme is 'bullshit'. The discussion has been along the lines of 'how can they tell you what to eat based on a blood test'. And 'just cut the fat and carbs out (which is also done on the Cohen plan) and you'll lose weight without paying for the programme'.

Andrew really understands weight and the eternal struggle with it. He's cuddly too. He's been seeing a weight loss Dr, and has recommended I go along to him too. I just don't think I can survive on meal replacements, and I worry about what happens at the end. Can't stay on the meal replacements forever.

Will make the decision tomorrow.

The why's and wherefore's.

Today I'm thinking about why.

Why should I lose weight.

What a pain in the arse being on a 'diet' is going to be (based on past experience).

I thought I'd make a list. You know the one. Where you write down why you should do something on one side of the page, and why you shouldn't on the other and weigh up the pro's and con's.

I don't know that these lists 'work', because of weighting. No pun intended. Some things are just more important than others.

Here's my list: (so far).

PROS: *Why I SHOULD lose weight*
Because I'll be healthier.
Because I'll fit into chairs with arms.
Because I'll be able to buy clothes that look like they aren't meant to be hanging off the side of a van.
Because I'll fit into plane seats, and won't have to have an air hostie bring me a belt extension.
Because then I can go gliding with Greg (Brotherinlaw).
Because then I can go to the park with my kids.
Because then I can walk more than 100m without stopping.
Because my doctor will stop having a heart attack when she sees me.
Because I won't want to fall asleep at 3pm every day from lack of energy.
Because then my kids won't be embarrassed by me (They never SAY they are, but...)
Because my mum won't be embarrassd by me (She never SAYS she is, but...)
Because I won't be embarrassed by me (I say I'm not, but...)

CONS *Why I SHOULDN'T lose weight*
um.

Oh wait, I thought of one.

I'm bloody lazy.

that's about it.

Sorry. That's really about it. Can't think of any others.

I was going to be intellectual and write about how people shouldn't be shallow, they should take everyone as they come, I'm a good person, why should people judge me on my arse size? It takes a few minutes to come to terms with the fact that I don't give a shit what people think. I really don't. I have to do this for.. (wait for it) ME!

The been and gone.

The phrase "Round and round the Marleberry bush" comes to mind whenever someone mentions the word 'diet'.

I've been overweight "forever".

I don't know why. Well, no, I DO know WHY, coz I eat too much of the wrong things, but, I don't know "WHY" I do what I do. No self-psycho-analysis required. Thanks.

I remember being in high school, and my parents telling me I was overweight and if I hit a certain 'weight goal' I'd get a certain 'cash goal'. I tried. Then I bought chocolate bikkies with my pocket money.

Looking at the photos of me when I was in high school, I was gorgeous (if I do say so myself!). I weighed just over 80kg. But at 6ft, that wasn't bad at all.

Anyway, without going too far back (and falling asleep on the psycho-couch) It's time to move on.

In my early 20's I tried Jenny Craig. It was a disaster. I couldn't STAND the sludge they dished up and called food. I sure hope the quality has changed in the 15 years since then!

I've tried 'DIY' diets, bullemia, Atkins, all sorts of things. Atkins sorta worked, but I found it totally unsustainable. The one thing that did make me lose 30kg was divorce, but I've found them again (they were under the couch!). I don't want to go down that road again.

Will take a week or so more to 'investigate' the options.

Goal is, by next Sunday (July 2nd) I'll be on track to a new healthy me.

Maybe the 4th July will be my independence day.

The time has come...

The time has come, the walrus said...

It just gets scary when you realise you are BIGGER than the walrus.

Does this mean what you say has more weight? (no pun intended)

Seriously, though, the time HAS come to do something about my weight.

All 'normal' people have been there. Some time or other we've all looked down and thought 'hell, how did THAT extra bit of me get there?'. Haven't we? Is it just me??

I'm now in the throes of wondering. What do I do? I need something that's not expensive (coz I'm broke) and also something that works. A couple of friends (Pete, Deb and Kristine) have recently done the 'Cohen programme' ( website here ) and have done exceptionally, at least as well as the 'examples' in the site.

It's comforting to know that someone I KNOW has done it and won. Well, at least to me it is. And Pete's being really cool and telling me more about the programme than the website does.

I'm now looking for evidence of someone who's done the programme and been 'small' for a while. I'd like evidence of a year or two.

Now, don't misunderstand, I know that just because someone ELSE has or hasn't succeeded or kept the weight off, doesn't necessarilly predict MY future, but hey, it's all research.

According to the cohen programme, well, the website at least, I "Should be" 71-74kg. Now, I'm currently around 166kg. So, 74kg seems ridiculous. Let's call it 80kg. :D

Anyway, that gives me a loss target of 86kg. So, if achieved I'll have lost more than HALF my bodyweight.

I'm hoping this fixes some of the 'little health issues' I currently have. Including the VERY recently diagnosed high blood pressure (160/95).

Anyway, here's a kiche little 'ticker' so you can see where I'm at. I won't do these all the time, coz I think they are a little silly, but, here it is anyway:

asy.

Gotta get to the pointy end of the pencil: